Sometimes life gets the best of me. What about you? I have followed my dreams down the wrong road, dead ends and back to school all over again. After a process like that it is hard to even know what one's dreams are anymore. My dream was to change the world. How you may ask? From a young age I thought that I would be an International legal powerhouse. I was going to focus on working with and for people everywhere whose voices were muted by the world. I followed that dream right into my first class of law school. I followed the dream into a law office as a clerk. And, I watched that dream pass me by when I realized how much I hated the law, the politics of small town [and big town] lawyering and the thick red tape that bound me from the muted voices. I was lost. But, I was skinny.
What does being skinny have to do with anything? Well, I will tell you. When I was following my dream into my first law school class, I was also bringing with me another important struggle; the struggle to be healthy. On my long journey to South Florida, I had already been on a tremendous journey in my personal life - I had managed to lose all of the weight that I carried around my entire life. Shedding the pounds was more emotional than I could have ever imagined; even today, as I sit here thinking about that journey and where I am today, I am fighting back streams of tears.
The journey away from the law is the same feeling. I followed a dream I thought was MY dream, but in turned out to be wrong and I was lost. In the deepest moments of personal joy at finally losing weight and keeping it off, I was facing unmatched personal fear and uncertainty for the first time in my young life. Most people graduate law school around 25. We were young and the world was at our fingertips, but 3 years later I am lost and have a faint idea of the direction I want to go.
I listen to my friends talk about how amazing their careers are and how they would not change anything and I see other friends transitioning into their dream world. I cannot begin to explain what it feels like to watch your dreams change without an idea of what your new dreams have become.
In the midst of losing myself and my dreams, I met a wonderful man. No, not my handsome boyfriend but one of our mutual best friends. He does not know this, but he really helped keep me afloat for a long time. The moment I needed him, God sent him to me. To this day, this wonderful guy remains one of my closest friends and somebody I am very proud of and indebted to. Now, I just have the small task of finding him an equally amazing girlfriend. As I was regrouping, and with my new friend by my side, I was introduced to my boyfriend. Nick is amazing. He is patient. He is kind. He is supportive. He is brilliant. He is handsome. He is a soldier. He is my hero. I could never have asked for a better half. As I was trying to refind my path, I found love. And while love is no substitute for personal goals and dreams, love does help you survive. We have survived a lot of things - deployment, school, family, moves, and dreams. He is my soul mate and I will fight for our love because he is part of my new dream.
I don't know how my story ends and where my dreams start to take off. I can tell you without a dream life is more of a struggle. Part of my heart will always be attached to the law, but it was not for me. I think about those years as such a waste of time, but in reality it was not. I learned a lot. I was challenged and I met those challenges the best I could.
I guess that's the only advice I can give, face your goals, your dreams or even your demons the best you can. Facing these things will never be a mistake or a waste of time because you are conquering little pieces of life that make you who you are. As life turns, we all can grow from these things.
Life is Complicated Enough without having somebody to relate to so keep checking back for more stories, life's lessons and other things found along my way in life.
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