Lost Moments; Lost Hope; New Change

I want every minute and year back that I wished away as a child. What about you? Remember when the world was a kid to us? I remember being young and resentful that I could not access all that the world had to offer; so as any child I began wishing I was older. I can still hear my mom telling me not to wish time away because one day I would want it all back. Yeah right, mom I used to think. Yes, my mom was right. Incredible how this whole ‘adults know more than kids do’ scenario keeps creeping back into my life.

The problem with wishing all of that time away is that we can never get it back. Once time is gone, it is gone. There is no tapping into the past to relive it.  I guess the question becomes would I relive the past if I had the chance? Hell yes, why not? Now the more important question is would I change the past? While there are plenty of moments that I would like to change from my past, I know everything I have experienced as led me to my one true love – Nick – and I may lose him if I changed anything. Therefore, I would go through my life in the same manner so that I could find him again.

Now, would I like to change the past? That’s a horse of a different color. Sure, there are plenty of decisions I would like to do over. For instance, I had an incredible network of friends when I was younger. I want them back. However, the circumstances of life got the best of us so we all parted ways. They are all doing incredible things in life and I know this because of the wonders of social media. But I want more than that, I want them back. That is one of my biggest regrets as I trotted off to college – not fighting harder to trudge through the petty drama that sometimes trapped us. Pure circumstance of the time – we were young and everything was a big deal.

Not everything is a big deal. Period.

As I ventured off to college I was still wishing time away. I was foolish. I only wanted to get through the semester. I want all of those moments back, too! Each semester presented new difficulties and, academically speaking, I wanted each semester to end quickly; finals are not a joy to experience, obviously. I wished to survive an expedited finals period so that I could go home and relax. Home was never relaxing. But that is a post for another day.  

Are you wondering if I would change anything about my college life? The only thing I would change is the fact that I never asked for help when I needed it. I am talking far beyond particular classes, because when I needed help I did communicate with the professor. I am talking about with advisors that could have helped me better handle the rigors of academic life and studying techniques. I am sure if I would have started learning new studying techniques my life would not have been filled with such anxiety and countless nights awake studying when my friends were fast asleep. I would change that, if I could.

Graduate School and Law School will not be discussed because I am confident you all understand what I am saying.

Enter present day life. 

Remember, not everything is a big deal. But some things are HUGE! 

I’m sitting here drinking my purple Gatorade in hopes of stopping the possibility of another kidney stone, fuming over the affairs of this country and world. Our administration is failing us. That is all I keep thinking. The highest position in this country only talks to us. I could care less about hearing what you want to do. Stop talking to us; roll up your sleeves and get down to business – do it!

We elect people based on promises. Have we forgotten that people break promises every day? We put our economy, political, and social livelihoods in the hands of people who continuously break promises to us. It is like a bad marriage or friendship; we depend on these people to work for the good of our country and EVERY person and they continuously break their promises to us. And because we depend on them we keep going back; we believe they will keep their word to us. We are foolish.

I want my votes back. I want that time spent listening and reading about our representative’s back.

I am sick of hearing about how we must go to college to advance ourselves professionally. I say it’s BULLSHIT! I went to college. I went to graduate school. I even went to Law School and all I have is a pile of debt that no organization or agency in this country is willing to see it, in fact, as a personal or professional asset.

I want my money back.

However, I would be willing to negotiate. You keep my money but in return I want you to create jobs, provide insurance and economic, political and social stability in this country. I want you to take care of your citizens. And, no I am no talking about blanket governmental regulations that apply to all individuals. Reading between those lines – read this: no socialism.

I want our administration and our political leaders to go back to the basics; remembering why they hold such a special office and place in this country: the people. You serve us, not the other way around. Stop battling on the floor of congress; stop playing the blame game; stop talking about what you want to do; stop it all. Just stop. What you need to do is go back to the basics of office – focusing on the people. Too many of us are in over our heads with student loans, too many of us are unemployed, too many of us are uninsured – do something about it.

Help your constituents. Stop spending our money. Stop freezing jobs. Start acting like adults. Do better at the job you were elected to; that we elected you to. 

As I sit here stewing over my current predicament I cannot help wishing to change the past; demanding, in my head, all of those moments I wished away. I know it will never happen; therefore, I need to push on and continue with life. But I need this country to make it a little less difficult for good people to do good things in this country and world; it is virtually impossible for people like me to find “hope” with a stand-still economy and the on-going bureaucratic tape binding the minds of our politicians.

I want my hope back.

YOU have stolen it from me.

I need a different kind of change... Because Life is [already] Complicated Enough